I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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