They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
