worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
sex in a hospital.. check
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
