pop tarts are not kleenex
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
