I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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