somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
