i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
