I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
