I just made out with a guy for $7.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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