i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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