I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
