I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just google imaged poop.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
