Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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