2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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