...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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