Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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