Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
