also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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