hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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