i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
