So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
