I think I can smell my own vagina right now
birth control should be required to get into college
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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