You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
