So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
