There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
