whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
