he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
