I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
