he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
