two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
