Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
