i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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