I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
