sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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