I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
