I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
