I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
