Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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