i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
