I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
