shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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