In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
