Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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