Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
