my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
