I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
