I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
