you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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