i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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