It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize