Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
