are you so shy because you have an std?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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