splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
