No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
