Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
