On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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