Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
