no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
