Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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