I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
