Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
