It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
