so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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