I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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