Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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