dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
