Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
